The Best Pest Control Jokes to Pass the Time

Undergoing pest infestations and the pest control process can be stressful, which is why it is always important to find humor in pests. For thousands of years, human beings have had to endure pest infestations and the stress and discomfort caused in their homes from the infestation. Over the centuries, there have been many popular jokes created surrounding common household pests, but what are the best pest control jokes?

Pest control jokes are common within pest control, jokes surrounding bed bugs, ants, cockroaches, and rodents help pass the time and make a messy job funny. Jokes like “what did the toothless old termite say?” and “why do ants visit the zoo on cold days?” are examples of popular pest control jokes. 

In this fun and carefree article, we are going to change gears a bit and offer you some of the funniest pest control jokes. We will give the answer to the joke, explain the punchline, and offer a brief overview of the history of the joke and its context. Pest infestations like bed bugs, termites, and rodents, can cause complex emotional problems for families, but it’s important to know that you are not alone in this, and there is humor to help ease the stress. 

Bedbug Jokes

Bed bugs are fearsome little insects. Is there anything more creepy than knowing that insects are breeding in your home that crawl on you at night to drink your blood? Probably not. But it’s important to remember that as traumatizing as these pests can be, people have been battling bed bugs since the beginning of recorded history, and well before that even. 

Humor is the best medicine for alarming situations, and bed bug jokes number in the thousands. Here are some of the most popular bed bug jokes to keep in mind when bed bug stress becomes overwhelming. 

Did You Hear About the Pregnant Bed Bug?

Answer: It gave birth in the spring. 

This is one of those jokes that are not immediately funny until you think about it a bit. The punchline of this joke corresponds to how bed bugs live and lay eggs in the springs of a mattress, in addition to insect mating cycles that are during the spring months. 

But actually, bed bugs are a species of pest that does not follow a typical temperature, season pattern of birth, and death. Because bed bugs are 100% interior bugs, they feed and reproduce every month of the year. 

domestic rats gnawing cage
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WANTED: Large Amount of Rats, Mice, and Bed Bugs!

Answer: My current rental agreement requires me to leave the premises in the condition it was in when I moved in. 

The context of this joke is pretty blunt, to say the least. The punchline is referring to the stereotypical myth that all rental units, such as apartments, are prone to have bed bugs. While this is quite common, and yes, there are some property managers and tenants out there who shirk their responsibilities, the truth of the matter is that bed bugs know no class or socioeconomic prejudice. These insects will infest a mansion or a hostel. 

But unfortunately, many renters sometimes find themselves having to treat rental units on their own due to management inaction. 

Just Slept With a Species From Another Genus…

Answer: I hate having bed bugs…

This one is actually pretty hilarious when you think about it. Whether we like it or not until we eradicate the bugs, we are in fact sharing a bed with an entirely different species and genus of living organisms. Creepy, I know, but bed bugs prefer to live as close to their host as possible, and it helps that the underside of the bed offers many different dark and undisturbed areas for the bugs to set up their home. 

While you are undergoing treatment, it helps to try and have a sense of humor about it. You will have many sleepless nights during bed bug treatment, and anything that can help you laugh it off is beneficial to your overall well-being. 

Why Don’t People Like Bed Bugs?

Answer: Because they get under their skin. 

This one is pretty straightforward and warrants a laugh because of how deadpan it is, but it’s not factually correct. Bed bugs are not the type of parasitic pest that burrows and lives underneath the surface of a person’s skin. Bed bugs prefer to hide in hidden spaces near sleeping areas and come out when a person is sleeping to feed on blood. 

Once the insects have extracted blood, the bugs will crawl back to their hiding spot to avoid being detected and discovered. But this joke certainly gets an A-grade for effort, and it’s not too far off from the overall behavior of this pest. 

How Do Bed Bugs Get Around?

Answer: They “itch” hike. 

This joke is completely true and fairly tongue-in-cheek. Bed bugs are an interesting species of insect in that the bugs do not live outside at all; the bugs rely on people for practically everything. Not just for blood in order to survive and reproduce, but also to move around from home to home, host to host. 

Bed bugs are 100% hitchhikers, and regularly latch onto clothing, shoes, and inside purses, bags, and luggage where they hide and run for safety once inside a person’s home. The bugs will then seek out your bed by following a person’s carbon dioxide emissions and body warmth. 

The “itch” part of the joke comes from the bothersome itch that is associated with bed bug bites. This itch is caused by the chemicals the bugs release into a person’s skin as they feed. The chemicals are a numbing agent which hides the pinch of the bug’s beak as it pierces the skin. 

Team of ants
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Ant Jokes

Although not as severe as bed bugs, ants are still a nuisance pest inside of homes, and there are several jokes that have built up over the years concerning these industrious insects. 

You will usually get ants inside of your home if there are sugary substances spilled on the floor or in corners. Food crumbs and moisture problems can also lure in ants, in addition to potted plants and even heavy rains that can send the bugs looking for shelter. 

Here are some popular ant jokes to keep in mind if you are battling these strong-willed pests. 

What Do Ants Visit the Zoo on Cold Days For?

Answer: To get near the ant heater…

This joke has two different meanings depending on how you look at it. On one hand, ant attractions are usually a common staple at zoos across the country. During the winter months, specialized heaters will be placed inside of an ant farm to provide the insects with warmth from cold outdoor temperatures. 

The joke could also be a play on words about actual anteater animals that are also found at many zoos. Although ants would likely want to stay far away from these animals since anteaters eat a large volume of ants each day. 

What Is the Dumbest Ant?

Answer: Ignorant…

This deadpan joke is pretty self-explanatory, and perfect for situations that call for a quick and obvious joke to break the tension. The last part of the word ignorant spells ant, and this is the entire context of the joke. 

But ants are far from ignorant, in fact, the bugs are some of the smartest in the insect kingdom, and may even be more rational than an average person. 

red imported fire ants
Image credit: mathisa, Deposit Photos

What Is the Biggest Ant in the World?

Answer: Elephant…

This is one of the most popular of all ant jokes and is yet another joke designed to highlight the end of the word ending with an ant that also matches a large size. 

This joke actually has a long and multicultural history attached to it. The original joke comes from the story The Ant and the Elephant by children’s book author Bill Peet. The book was published in 1972 and has become an endearing classic. 

This book was based on a fable from Ancient Greece that spoke of the life lessons learned between an ant and a dove, which Peel later changed from a dove to an elephant. 

Since the publication of his book, this joke has always been attached to the book and is one of the go-to jokes whenever anybody wants to make a wisecrack about ants. 

What’s the Difference Between Writing Your Will and Owning an Ant Farm?

Answer: One is a legacy and the other is a sea of legs…

This joke has two different meanings attached to it, and both meanings revolve around the punchline of legs. The word ‘legacy’ begins with legs, and ants are well-known for their legs that allow them to move with soldier-like precision across surfaces. 

An ant farm can sometimes resemble an entire sea of legs because ants march in a straight line, and when you look at hundreds or thousands of ants all marching together, it looks like a moving sea of legs. 

Why Don’t Anteaters Get Sick?

Answer: Because they are full of antibodies…

This joke also has a double meaning. Anteaters obviously eat ants, and they consume so many ants, that is why they earned the name they have. But anteaters also have very strong internal systems. They need this because the animals frequently suck up a lot of dirt and debris when they are consuming ants. 

termites or white ants
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Termite Jokes

When it comes to termites, the destruction these pests cause to home and business owners will certainly require a strong dose of silly humor to ease the stress of the situation. Thankfully, termites are prone to many different jokes and puns, all of which they deserve due to the destruction they cause on a regular basis. Termites are just following their natural instincts, but it would be nice if they did so in the woods or forests exclusively…

If you are battling a termite problem, it is crucial that measures are taken to educate yourself fully on the types of termites that invade homes, their behaviors, and the steps it takes to kill termites and eliminate them completely.

Termites are prevalent in all fifty U.S. states, except for some sections of northern Alaska. Although they may prove to be beneficial in natural environments, once they sense the wood structures of a residential home, they then become one of the most feared and harmful of pests due to their ability to devour a dwelling without ever being seen.

In the meantime, consider some of these termite jokes to break the monotony of what can become a costly situation. 

A Termite Walks Into a Bar

Answer: Where is the bartender?…

In this joke, the humor is derived from the unstated reason for the termite asking where the bartender is. The listener is supposed to assume that the termite wants to eat the bar (or something that is wood in the bar) but thinks that the bartender will try to stop him, so he has to check to make sure that the bartender is not present, or is otherwise occupied. 

This joke is also a pun since the bartender is a pun with bar tender – as in “where is the bar soft enough to be easy to eat.”

This joke most likely is referring to dry wood termites. This species is a bit more problematic for homeowners as they typically like to infest and devour drier types of wood, such as furniture. These termites nest in the wood on which they feed and do not invade a structure from the soil. Because their colonies are within the structure, they are difficult to control.

Drywood termites are commonly known as flying termites, since their appearance is more in line with a flying ant, with two wings and a much smaller, thinner build than traditional subterranean termites.

What Did the Toothless Old Termite Say?

Answer: Which part of the bar is the softest?…

This is a similar joke and a different way to the previous joke. The punchline of this joke, however, is much easier for people to catch onto since the joke includes information about the termite being toothless, therefore needing some softer wood to eat. 

Contrary to the comedy of this joke, termites do not have to worry about having soft teeth. The large mandibles on the ends of a worker termite’s mouth are designed specifically for tearing and drilling through wood. Termites then use a mouthpart that extracts the cellulose material that is part of the wood. Termites will also use their mandibles to tear off chunks of wood to move it around to create galleries inside the wood for the colony. 

What Is a Termite’s Favorite Breakfast?

Answer: Oak-meal…

The punchline of this joke is another quick and obvious pun, but it’s clever all the same. Termites will eat virtually any type of wood granted the wood has a rich amount of cellulose within the central parts of the wood structure. 

Oak is not off-limits to termites and is probably a regular breakfast item for a vast amount of termites around the world. 

What Did the Termite Say to the Chair?

Answer: It was nice knawing you…

This joke is a place on the phrase ‘it was nice knowing you,’ only the ‘knowing’ is replaced with gnawing that is spelled with a k. 

Some tell-tale signs of termites in furniture are cracks or chips in the finish, a hollow sound when tapped with a hard object or crumbling wood. If you spot any of these issues on your household furnishings such as chairs, it may be time to begin a series of treatment measures immediately to prevent further erosion of your furniture.

It is not known through scientific analysis exactly how termites find wood furniture in your home. Through searching and sensing the smell of wood, the insects typically find their way to it and begin colonizing and destroying it as soon as they find it. Once you discover the signs of termites in wood furniture, treatment procedures should begin immediately.

brown domestic rat
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Rodent Jokes

The most widespread type of pest that has the most jokes over the centuries is certainly rodents. Rats and mice have infested homes and businesses since the earliest days of human civilization, therefore, there are a lot of jokes that have accumulated over the centuries and millennia. 

All jokes aside for a second, when sneaky pests such as rats and mice start to invade your home, yard, and property, it’s important that you seek a solution that will rid you of these rodents for good. These destructive pests are renowned for wreaking havoc, causing untold damage, and unsettling your peace of mind.

Sightings of rats and mice are becoming common occurrences in our towns and cities, so it’s more important than ever that we fight these foes and eliminate them for good. Here you will learn everything you need to know about rats and the best ways in which to eradicate them, in this comprehensive guide to getting rid of rats for good.

But in the meantime, consider some of these jokes for a brief laugh. 

Funny Rat Jokes

Rat jokes and rat puns truly run the gamut across many different topics and genres. Here are a few of the most unique funny rat jokes. 

Which Clash Song Is the Brave Rat’s Favorite?

Answer: I Fought the Claw…

The Clash was a popular and influential British punk rock band from the 1970s and 1980s. In 1978, they released a cover version of this classic 1950s rock song, which introduced the song to an entirely new generation of rock and roll listeners. 

In the case of this joke, the rat is fighting against the ‘claw’ which replaces the word ‘ ‘Law” in the song. The claw in question is most likely one that belongs to a cat. Cats are the natural and most common enemy of all rodents, especially rodents that decide to set up their nests inside of a home that features a pet cat. 

Do You Know How Rats Fall for Rat Traps?

Answer: Because it’s such a cheesy setup…

This joke has two different meanings that can be gathered from it. The first is the popular myth that rats and rodents seem to enjoy eating cheese above any other type of food there is. The truth is that rats do enjoy cheese, but it’s impossible to know for sure if cheese is a rat’s absolute favorite food. Rats are scavengers and will eat practically anything they can easily and safely acquire. 

Secondly, it can be said that rat traps are used so often, and oftentimes, so incorrectly, that it is sort of cheesy now how everybody immediately turns to rat traps in the hopes to eradicate a rat infestation in their home or business. 

Housefly Flying in kitchen
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Fly Jokes

Flies are another pest that also has quite a few jokes attached to their prevalence in the world and in homes and businesses. Here are some of the most recent fly jokes. 

You Know What Flies Are Attracted To?

Answer: Mike Pence…

During the October 7, 2020, vice presidential debate in the United States, a fly landed on former Vice President Mike Pence’s head more than once during the debate. In what became known as the ‘Mike Pence fly,’ both the public and Mike Pence himself acknowledged the absurdity of the situation and the humor that arose afterward, including a Saturday Night Live parody. 

If There are Five Flies in a Kitchen, How Do You Know Which Is the American Fly?

Answer: The one in the Sugar Bowl…

This joke manages to include the love that flies have for sugar and a popular American football event all in one joke. The Sugar Bowl has been played every year in New Orleans, Louisiana since 1935, and is one of the most popular events in the college football season. 

It makes sense that flies would be attracted to a sugar bowl since this is without a doubt one of the favorite substances of the insect.